Great Send-off

Young Gordon was with his parents and they were taking refreshments in the bar at Reading station when they heard a whistle. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover that they had just missed the train.
'The next train is in one hour,' intoned the stationmaster.
The three went back into the bar. The parents had another drink, Gordon had a coke. Again they heard a whistle, rushed out and discovered the train pulling away.
'Next one is sixty minutes from now,' grunted the stationmaster.
An hour later, Gordon, with his mum and dad, raced out onto the platform, and his parents leaped onto the train as it pulled away. The boy was left standing on the platform and began to laugh uproariously.
'Your parents just left you,' said the stationmaster. 'Why are you laughing?'
Gordon smiled, 'They only came to see me off.'

Time Gentleman Please

'What's the use of you having a timetable if your stupid trains never stick to it?' demanded Paul of the stationmaster.
'Well, sir,' rejoined the railwayman to Paul, 'how would you even know they were running late if not for the timetable?'

An American, an Englishman and an Australian...

An American, an Englishman and an Australian were travelling on a train from Doncaster, England to London.
The trip which normally takes over 6 hours could be boring and tedious, so the Aussie asked his companions if anyone was carrying a packet of playing cards to while away the time. No one had the required ingredients to be able to play Poker, but the American suggested that a game of charades would help to pass the time.
'What the hell is charades?' queried the Australian.
'I will give you clues about a popular film by miming and doing hands gestures, while you will try to name the movie. The main rule is that the person doing the charade must remain silent,' explained the American. He then started the game by getting a piece of paper from his briefcase and throwing it out of the window of the moving train.
'I know, I know,' claimed the Englishman, 'Gone With The Wind.'
Now it was the Englishmen turn to have a shot at the game. He stood up on his seat and with both fists he started to hit his chest and pulling his face.
'Oh! That's King Kong!' the American exclaimed. He then got of his seat and started to kick frantically with his hands and feet.
'Easy,' shouted interrupted him the Englishman, 'Karate Kid.'
Charade followed charade and then the train had arrived at its halfway stop at Peterborough. The Australian had not manage to guess any of the titles and was feeling very inferior. As the train stopped at the station he quickly grabbed his companion's suitcases and bolted to the door.
'Oy! What do you think you're doing?' screamed the other two in one voice.
'The Great Train Robbery,' the Aussie bellowed as he disappeared out of the train and down the platform at a run.

If an electric train travels 90 miles an hour in a westerly direction and the wind is blowing from the north, in which direction is the smoke blowing?
There is no smoke from an electric train!

What is evil and ugly and goes at 125 mph?
A witch in a high speed train.

What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers (engine ears).

What do you call a person who falls onto you on a train?
A laplander!

Have you heard the old adage about model railroads?
If it works fix it!

Two blondes are walking in the forest when they come across marks in the ground.
One says to another, 'Oh, look at the deer tracks!'
'Those aren't deer trucks, you dumb blonde!' says the other. 'They're bear prints.'
'Deer tracks, you dumb blonde!'
'Bear prints, you dumb blonde!'
Next day's headlines : Two blondes killed by train in forest.

Funny succide attempt

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